Living In Our Comfort Zone

Sometimes we end up doing things the same way. We get in a groove and we stay in it. Maybe we take the same route to work, or prepare the same foods.

Some of us avoid trying new things. Maybe we don’t want to “risk” making a mistake. Maybe it’s easier or more comfortable to stay with what is known.

What could happen if we tried something new?

Try to do something different – just one small thing.

Recently I experimented with a recipe. I found a pumpkin mix and decided I wanted to add in different ingredients (and kick up the nutrition). It was an experiment. Wasn’t sure how it would turn out…it could have been a flop.  I played with it a bit, adjusted the liquid, and it ended up tasting GREAT.  Its now a new favorite.

This wasn’t a big risk, just a little something different. One new thing to try. A small stretch with a dash of creativity.

Why try something new?

It’s possible to learn, grow, and even increase our skills and confidence by stepping outside our comfort zone.

While watching a televised dance competition, I heard a finalist say something that really stuck with me.  The finalist was a well known performer. His situation? When he started the competition he didn’t know anything about dancing… but somehow he made the finals.

How did he do this?

– Lots of training and practice to build his skills.

– The courage to get out there and literally risk falling, or not hitting the mark, in front of millions of viewers.

– He was open to the feedback on how to change or adjust his approach so he could be more effective. And he kept getting better.

Basically he engaged in a process of learning and development.

The essence of what I heard him say was

From this process he gained CONFIDENCE.

He now KNOWS that if he could do this,

he could do anything.

What is something you would like to develop?

What one thing might you try? To learn, grow, stretch?

OK, I’ll consider taking a step… But what if I make a mistake or fail?

I hear you. It’s a challenge and it can seem like fear is telling us to stop.  But what if it’s not a stop sign? What if it’s a yellow light – where we can proceed with caution? What would be possible if you tried? What could happen in your life, even after making a mistake?

Another way of looking at it is: What won’t happen if you don’t try? Is it worth it?? You make the call that is best for you. Here’s something to consider:

The Importance of action and practice

There was a class I was facilitating, it was an interviewing lab. Interview lab?  This means, I would do a little bit of teaching at the beginning of class (a brief review of interview skills), and the rest of the class would be spent practicing interviewing skills and receiving feedback — so they could further develop their skills and strengthen their interview performance.

When it was time for the group to practice interviewing, there was a surge of questions. Turns out they were very nervous and were doing anything to NOT practice interviewing… even though they had signed up to practice.

Key Learning

Through this process I learned that even though they tried to avoid the practice in the lab (with just one more, two more, etc, questions) the kindest, most helpful thing I could do was to get them practicing.

They were nervous. Yes.

They feared the unknown. Yes.

And by delaying or avoiding the lab altogether, I would have done them a disservice.

By getting them in the lab:

– they learned they actually made it through. (“whoa this was scary at first, and so glad I did it“)

– they received constructive feedback that would help strengthen them and improve their skills.

And You?

With this in mind, what one small experiment can you try in your life?

To stretch yourself just a little… to grow… even to make a “mistake” and learn from it.

Maybe start with something small and build from there.

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Call Angi @ 408-761-9458  

©  StrengthsMinded®  2013 – 2021  

Have you ever felt impatient? Felt like you’re stuck or that you want to be “there” already?  I don’t think I am alone in this — or there would not be expressions like “A watched pot never boils.”  

Okay, eventually it will boil… but standing there watching it … it seems to take forever. 

So what’s it like to be in that in-between place? That place where we are here … and not quite at our destination. For some, it may be no big deal, and for others it can be a very different story.

WHAT

We might get discouraged when we have to wait for something, like news about getting a job or waiting for results from a medical test. We may even tell ourselves “I can’t stand waiting any longer” (I am thinking of the lyrics from a Tom Petty song about waiting being the hardest part.)

Are you able to be Zen about it? Or does your inner 3 year old scream, “Are we there yet!?!?!” Sometimes we would rather push the thoughts, feelings, and uncomfortable experiences away. How we do this… well, the options are endless aren’t they? 

Some people end up “mood altering” with excessive amounts of alcohol, or using retail shopping to-the-max, …etc.  

CHECK

Is it in excess? Or in moderation?

I worked with someone who was very upset about losing her job (understandable, right) … and she turned to food for comfort.  

It started to become a problem for her when she gained so much weight that she could not fit into her clothes, and needed to buy new clothes to interview in. She didn’t like the weight gain and she didn’t exactly want to spend money when she was out of a job.

Ok, no excess… got it. Now what?

There are other ways to positively shift our moods. 

HOW?  

Think about…

What have you done in the past that put you into a peace-filled state? Where did you go? What did you do?  Can you try that now?

• For me, I am at peace when walking in nature.  Costs me next to nothing to get there, and I always seem to be rewarded. What ever was troubling me beforehand… is either put into perspective or I have more clarity and energy to address it.
• Sometimes it can help shift our mood by watching a movie.  One that will whisk you away to another time and place. What are your favorites?  
• For perspective on life… and reminding me to be grateful, I might watch “Life or Something Like it,” or “Big Fish.”
• For inspiration I’ve watched movies like “The King’s Speech” and “Music Within.” 

So, what if you’ve done what you can do, then what?

Ok, I am going to say it, and our inner-3-years-olds might not want to hear it… so let’s cover their ears…  

Sometimes… it just takes time.  I look to nature for her examples…

It

takes a while

before the baby bird gets out of the egg. Time − for that bird to gain strength,

to grow, and

develop in

the nest.

Time to 

learn

how

to

fly

.

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Call Angi @ 408-761-9458  

©  StrengthsMinded®  2013 – 2021

What’s Trending Now – Kindness

As seen in social media

Rod, a friend of mine, invited me to participate in a “Pay it forward initiative.”  Part of the message read:

“… so we can form a web connection of kindness. Let’s do more nice and loving things in 2014, without any reason other than to make each other smile and to show that we think of each other. Here’s to a more enjoyable, more friendly, and love filled year!”

The first 5 people to reply to his post would make it on his pay it forward list. This means that within the year − for those 5 people − Rod would do something kind or something that would make the person happy… and it would be a surprise.

I liked the idea, and it sounded like fun…so I joined in. By signing up, I would get up to 5 people on my list and do something kind for them (and so it continues with this pay it forward initiative).

It was fun to see who signed up with me. I enjoyed thinking about what would make them happy. It was also a pleasure to plan (or more like, to plot) what I could do for them, and how to make it a surprise.

The importance of being kind

Why

Does being kind sound “soft” or “fluffy?”  To some, it probably does. However, topics such as kindness, happiness, and positivity are now the focus of research.

For one thing, it turns out that being kind benefits the giver as well as the receiver. When we act in generous ways (including giving our time, energy, or money) we can receive many rewards. We are rewarded with:

• decreased anxiety. [1]
• becoming happier. [2]
• reduced symptoms of depression, improved health and longevity, and even a natural high. This high has been called “helper’s high.”  It happens when the body releases dopamine, a feel-good chemical, into our body. [3]

It just takes a minute to be kind

How

The other day I went  out to get something to eat. The person who took my order − I will call him “James” − wanted me to know that my order came with a certain sauce. It was an unusual sauce, and not one you’d expect to go with this item.

Just then, someone else behind the counter chimed in, “But, you can order whatever sauce you want to go with it.”

Then I heard James almost sigh, “Oh never mind.” He looked completely defeated. What was happening here? James told me that he got “chewed out” by a customer because of the sauce confusion.

I felt for him. He looked like he was in high school and perhaps he just had his first encounter with an irritable customer. Maybe the customer was having a bad day… maybe James was having a bad day…who knows.

What I do know is this… that day with James I deliberately chose kindness. Yes, even in this fast paced world, even when picking up “take-out.” I took a moment to listen, to understand, to be kind. Over the years I’ve seen people in service roles get “chewed out” by customers… so I let him know that I understood his situation.  As I walked out with my food, I felt good and hoped that in some way what I did was helpful.

Talkin’ about a Revolution

More

Dacher Keltner, the Director of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley, believes that we are in the midst of a social revolution, and kindness is viewed as a way to solve some of our biggest challenges. [4]

For more information on becoming a part of the kindness revolution you can check out the resource information below. [5,6]

Hoping your year is filled with love, generosity, and kindness.

References:

1. http://www.prevention.com/mind-body/emotional-health/doing-kind-acts-reduces-anxiety-study
2. http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/kindness_makes_you_happy_and_happiness_makes_you_kind
3. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/raising-happiness/201002/what-we-get-when-we-give
4. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/russell-c-smith/good-virus-kindness-is-contagious_b_3601942.htmlResources
5. http://kindness-is-contagious.com
6. http://www.randomactsofkindness.org/kindness-ideas

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Call Angi @ 408-761-9458  

©  StrengthsMinded®  2013 – 2021

It’s now summer… do you need to take a break? Even a mini-one?

Reflecting on June… for quite a few people that I know, it was one heck of month. They were presented with certain challenges, and were stretched. There were moments where they were able to rise to the challenge; they took what life gave them and they ran with it…Feeling good that they were progressing towards their goals. Then there were times when it got pretty rough.

How was June for you?

Recently I had lunch with a wonderful and inspirational woman. In sharing her story I heard how life has given her many challenges and how she’s done her best to manage them.

I was touched by how deeply she cares for her child. Telling me that once it was clear to her that her child’s life was at risk, she moved to another part of the United States. Wow! I sat there, marveling at the beauty of this human being. Appreciating her kindness and strong devotion to her child.

And then it happened… she “made a mistake.” She dropped a couple plates. CRASH!!! All of a sudden I saw a shift, her strength – at least for a moment – faded. Where did the big strong mama-bear go?  The powerful woman who protects her child…

My first thought was “Oh well, they’re only plates,” but I could tell she felt bad about it. Even though I was okay with it… she wasn’t. And no amount of telling her was gong to do the trick. Nope. She was embarrassed.

Was this a big deal? On one level, probably not. On another level though, I thought, what a shame.

There it is again. That pattern. So many times we focus on the negative… so much so that we miss the good or beauty that is all around us. Our minds may naturally bend to what’s wrong, bad, or broken.

I can still remember a very competent, capable professional who told me, “You know, I have 200 clients, 199 love me, and 1 doesn’t.”

Guess where his attention was focused? Did he focus on the 199 or the 1? He dismissed the 199, and he shared how he over-focused on the 1.

I am not saying ignore the 1. I think we can learn from both. It’s when we over-focus on the negative where I get concerned. And when this happens I’ll hear something like, “My mind is driving me nuts!”

Yes. We can get stuck in negative loops. Over and over these messages play.

What do you need to take a break from? Is there something that zaps your power?

How about, just for today, start to notice what you do well. I mean really notice, not “Yah, yah, I did it”… but let it sink in.

In parenting there’s a saying “Catch your kids doing something right.”

Why not include yourself?

What did you do well today?

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Call Angi @ 408-761-9458  

©  StrengthsMinded®  2013 – 2021

Okay, Let’s Go There… The Impostor Syndrome

The other day I was in a training and the topic of Impostor Syndrome came up. The class was filled with talented individuals – and most were venturing into the land of the unknown.  To be a participant in this class meant that you would be stretched. Challenged to do things you’ve never done before, and most would be operating outside their comfort zone… at least for some of the time.

The Impostor Syndrome was brought up as a potential barrier to performance. Believing it’s message… could slow us down, or take us off track. Simply acknowledging that it exists, and that it’s pretty normal (especially in high performers) was helpful.

 BEING ENOUGH…

Are there times when you think:

• you don’t do things good enough?
• that you don’t do things right?
• that you’re not enough just as you are?
• that somehow you’ve “fooled them”?
• “what if I make a mistake?”
• “what if they find out, that I’m not really all that?“

JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK A THOUGHT DOESN’T MAKE IT REAL

There’s an expression I’ve heard, “Don’t believe everything you think.”  It’s actually one of my favorites.  In working with people over the years I’ve seen how tortured they can become when they believe the thoughts they think. If left unchecked, we can get pushed around by our thoughts. We thought them… so they must be real right? (hmmm)

WHEN IT’S FUN

There are a lot of times I feel lucky to do the work that I do.  I’ve had the opportunity to work with some of the most wonderful and talented individuals.  Creative, resourceful, determined people.  Amazing contributors, innovators, and leaders.  It’s exciting just to listen to how their minds work! To hear about the challenges they’ve faced, and what they did to overcome them.

Many love what they do — and are focused on doing great things. They enjoy learning, growing, and stretching themselves. So this is the fun space… where know who we are, and what we do well! We go out, and we do it. Great!

WHEN IT’S NOT SO FUN

But what about times when we’re not in that fun space?   There are a lot of accomplished professionals that are walking around, silently believing that they are not enough. Not ________ enough. Good enough. Smart enough… Experienced enough… or just the vague sense of not-enoughness.

UNDERESTIMATING OUR VALUE

Whenever this comes up, the impression I get is… it’s like an A student believing that they are a C student.  But they’re not.

In the “real world” your boss is not going to give you a great review (an A on your paper) just because you’re “lucky”. You get an A because you studied. You worked for it. Because you are a skilled, talented individual. Because you, more than likely, ROCK at what you do… so much so that you may not even see it.

That’s right — the things we rock at, may be invisible to us. Or we take them for granted. Oh, that little thing I did… no big deal.

Many years ago I heard a trainer say that we may not recognize our greatest skills.  Over the years I’ve seen this to be true… for others and for myself.

Perhaps these things we do are so automatic, like breathing, that we fail to notice them. And yet they are there… if we look for them. Skills that, if we look for ways to further develop them … can be where we bring forth our greatest contributions.  Some have even suggested, that these skills, when developed even more, are the places where we become MASTERFUL.

So, yes, those “little things you do,” …those places where things come easy for you… like breathing…. yes… pay attention to them.

CHECK IT OUT

Please don’t assume that what you do is easy.

I am betting that you spent a great deal of time developing your talent. What comes easy to you, can be incredibly challenging for others.  Think of it like a duck floating on top of the water… they may look calm and cool on the surface… yet they are paddling like heck underneath.  You may not see how hard it is for them to do what comes natural to you.

OK… but what if it feels like you’re the duck?  If that’s the case… I would get real curious about if you are in a job that’s right for you. What are your skills? Interests? Are you really motivated to do that work? You might want to get a book, take a class, or work with someone on career development and assessment.

No matter which camp you are in… what’s important is:

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

Start to notice the good in your life.

When’s the last time you acknowledged how far you have come (not how far you think you have to go)?

• Start to recognize what you’ve done well.
• Keep track of your accomplishments.
• Find the moments when you truly are enough. Feel what it’s like, and let it sink in.

Not only will this help you see what you’ve done, this can also be quite helpful when it’s time for a performance evaluation or job change.

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Call Angi @ 408-761-9458  

©  StrengthsMinded®  2013 – 2021

On a regular basis people ask me “What do employers want?” They wonder about:

• What employers look for.

• What to focus on in an interview.

• What skills they need.

Skills Employers Want

I read this post from Daniel Goleman:

http://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20130707212115-117825785-the-emotional-intelligence-skills-employers-want-now

It stayed with me and got me thinking…

Employers screen for hard AND soft skills.

In behavioral interviewing employers are looking for your actual behaviors in work situations.  The idea is if you’ve done it before, you’ll do it again — in the positive or in the negative.  

Basically – they are wanting to Screen In those who will solve a problem/can do the job/provide them with solutions

They are looking to Screen Out those who can’t do the job or might cause them problems 

Employers are looking to hire someone that has the skills to do the job.  So they may ask you to tell them about a time when you’ve done certain things (handled a irritable customer, etc). Why?  They are trying to understand:

– what you can do (soft & hard skills)

– how well you do it (can you do what they need you to do)

– will you be able to work with them (interpersonal skills, people & culture fit)

Interview screeners can include:

• Okay, you’re great technically, but how is your “user-friendly interface”? (your interpersonal skills)
• Are you the kind of “kid” who gets along well with others on the “playground”? Or do you “run with scissors”??
• As a leader do you inspire your staff, and motivate them to do their best?
• When there is pressure on the job how do you handle it? How do you manage stress?

Welcome to the “soft side” of interviewing. If you decide you want the job, in addition to talking about your hard skills, it’s a good idea to weave in your soft skills:

• Be prepared to show your level of emotional intelligence.
• Prepare stories to share in interviews that demonstrate your EQ.